You mention adults as being a necessary presence at youth meetings. We have done away with this - the motivation was that several of the youth leadership are in their 20's and count as adults. A complicating factor was that several of the teens were not wild about mum or dad hanging around "their" youth meeting How real is parental anxienty over adult supervision at a church group? Most of the parents I've seen just dump the kids at the gate and drive away.
Alison Papenfus.
Thanks for your question. Let me clarify. We don't have any parents involved in our youth group,
except in that they fetch and carry youth to and from the group, and unless you count me (I have
two children, aged two and four). We consider the two couples we have involved in our youth
group as adults, even though the other couple do not have children, they are in their middle
twenties.
I recall my adolescence and would have died if my parents were involved in any upfront way in
the youth group. Adolescence continues the process of separation from parents (I believe it is
called "differentiation" by David Elkind, a youth psychologist), begun back when we first head
off to school with our suitcase filled with enough lunch to help us survive the long day at "Big School"!
My personal opinion is that it is unwise, and perhaps undesirable, to have parents of youth
involved in the upfront leadership of the youth group. Possibly we could consider ways to
involve them in ministry behind the scenes, and most definitetly I feel that we should be a lot
more involved in the lives of parents that we are at present.
Some youth groups present Parent Meetings where they inform parents of what is coming up in the term; allow parents to raise any areas of difficulty or offer suggestions; and provide some input which whill equip parents for their task of spiritually nurturing their children. This is most valuable as it opens channels of communication and ensures that there is adequate contact
between the different people involved in the lives of the young people.
I have never had parents question adult supervision at a youth group. Whether this is because
they concluded from our contact that they did not need to be concerned, or I just never overheard
their concerns being voice, I am not sure, but I would conclude that you are correct, it is over
rated...even though it appears in Group Magazine's list of reasons why youth return/don't return
to a youth group. Maybe we are just different to the American context!
Youth leaders, before meeting, should be in the parking/drop off area to meet parents as they
drop off youth. They should seek to as naturally as possible make significant contact with the
parents. They should also clarify the time the meeting ends, if necessary. Then at the end of the
programme they should meet parents again to express appreciation at their fetching/carrying
youth. This will go a long way towards creating a postive parent/church feeling.
I am no expert at parent meetings. In fact, I am a volunteer like yourself and have only been involved in one parent meeting. I do have a few suggestions: (1) don't let the kid's attend; (2) have a well organized agenda prepared; (3) you don't want to open it up to the point that it becomes a "feeding frenzy" of complaints - be prepared to tell a parent that you would be glad to talk 1 on 1with them later if the comments are getting uncomfortable; (4) have some of the other volunteers share their heart for youth; (5) ask the parents to keep the contents of the meeting confidential; (6) have a thick skin; and (7) feed 'em if you can. Submitted by Ross to the Youth Specialties youth ministry forum.
Our group has around 60 active youth and therefore a large number of parents. I was greatly disapointed to find that at my first meeting only six wives showed up (and no church leaders). At the second one, we had 23 parents - husbands came too - wow! We have our parent meetings setup so that there are four per year. Two meetings are full youth and parent meetings where we have a regular meeting with more people. It shows these parents a lot about their children. We did the SIN talk last time. Kids didn't think much that they did wrong was a sin. It showed the parents how deeply rooted relativism is for these teens. The other two meetings are parent's only (we have a games night - our only for fun teens show for this too and the group is more diverse). We show a video montage of where we have been. I bring up what is coming up in the next several monts. I hand out a questionaire with a listing of things needed for the next four months and they can circle what they own and would be willing to allow teens to use. They may also volunteer for topics that they would feel comfortable talking about. We only let them talk to the group if their teen is ok with it. I always hand out something that builds up parents - last time I handed out a page of quotes that said that parents were the most important communicators into their teens lives even if the teens acted like they weren't. Lastly, I ask for comments - I actually ask for criticism. This blows them away because (1) it lets them know that I know it is out there behind my back and (2) they can't say I don't want to listen. I have had questions like "why doesn't Big House mention the name of Jesus?" or "How do scholarships work." Submitted by Elizabeth Vice to the Youth Specialties youth ministry forum.
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